Katy Clark, LMSW

Parts work premises that every person has a complex internal experience worth exploring. We may feel, want, or believe multiple things at once. “A part of us” may see things one way, while “another part” has a different perspective, and both are true at once within ourselves. Problems can occur when parts habitually “take the wheel,” causing us to act on behalf of only some of our needs without taking into account the rest of what is inside us.

Drawing from parts work in relationship therapy can involve internal work (like when we soothe parts that are reactive and defensive so that we can hear what our partner is saying) and interpersonal work (helping our partner see our parts so that they can better understand the full complexity of our experience).

Working with parts in individual therapy often involves parsing out which parts are present for you in any given moment; exploring the motivations, desires, needs, and beliefs of those parts; understanding more about how, when, and why those parts developed; forming an amicable relationship with our parts; and cultivating Self-leadership. Self-leadership involves defusing from the parts enough to access a Core Self – a grounded, adult you – that can take in input from each and every part and make responsive choices such that no one part has to “drive the bus,” so to speak.

Psychodynamic therapy premises that problems that you are experiencing outside of therapy are likely to show up for you in therapy as well. This is particularly true of interpersonal problems. For example, you may be worried about what other people think, and you may find that you are worried in therapy about what your therapist thinks. Or, you may be conflict avoidant, and find that in therapy you are reluctant to give feedback that directly addresses how you are experiencing the therapist. Circumstances such as these can be used to our advantage to learn more about your problems and create change. In psychodynamic therapy, the therapist is a “willing participant,” a person who is dedicated to exploring these patterns curiously with you, and to trying on new ways of being together. Using the prior example, a psychodynamic therapist can help you to try on the strategy of directly addressing conflict with the therapist, and process how that feels. Via these methods, you can develop new ways of relating in therapy that you can then try on in relationships outside of therapy.

Emotionally Focused Therapy is an attachment- and emotion- oriented approach that involves understanding the negative cycles of reactivity playing out recurrently in your life and the underlying core relational fears, longings, and needs. We all encounter things that awaken these core fears and longings, and when we are emotionally-activated as a result, we may have a pattern for how we engage with others and ourselves. EFT slows down this process of reactivity by turning a magnifying glass onto what is happening within (internal processes) and between (interpersonal processes); identifying the core relational needs, primary emotions, and the emotional and behavioral habits for handling these; and creating opportunities to explore new ways of connecting with self and others that are more effective at addressing what’s at the root.

It is common for people in relationship to be stuck in a cycle of interaction where strategies for handling one person’s emotional arousal poke at specific fears and longings in the other, prompting further escalation. When using EFT in relationship therapy, clients communicate with the therapist, and at times with each other in a supported, choreographed way about the underlying core experiences and their developmental origins. In individual EFT, you might imagine new ways of engaging with specific people, or practice engaging with yourself in new ways; this can involve hypothetical dialogues with imagined others or imaginal exercises in which you dialogue with yourself.

Schema therapy looks at the core beliefs you’ve developed about yourself, other people, the world, and relationships over time as a result of what you’ve experienced (throughout life, but especially early in your development). It also helps us look at common ways you’ve adapted to those beliefs and how you handle yourself when something happens that activates one. We will work on building up a healthy, adult response that attends to key, unmet developmental needs when one of these core beliefs is activated.

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is a structured form of skills training with modules on mindfulness, emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness. DBT can be completed as a structured program, going through all modules systematically, or can be drawn on to pull in specific skills where they seem useful alongside other therapies.

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy helps us get enough distance from our own experience to be able to observe it, cultivate a willingness to be present for the full range of human experience, identify what is important to us, and commit to taking action in pursuit of what matters most to us despite the sometimes painful realities of life.

Imago Dialogue provides a structure and format for emotionally charged conversations in which the roles of speaker and listener are clearly delineated and a specific process is recruited to help people communicate effectively. In Imago Dialogue, the speaker has the floor until they are confident they have successfully communicated their whole message. The listener mirrors back what is said until they have heard everything, then summarizes, validates, and empathizes to close the loop before a role switch is considered. This is similar to the initiator/inquirer process from the Developmental Model. In both, differentiation is cultivated via attention, mirroring, curiosity, empathy, and validation, and messages are sent with discernment for what is centrally important to understand and packaged in a way that helps the receiving party get the message. In Imago, partners communicate primarily with each other in a structured and supported way with coaching from the therapist.

The Developmental Model posits that relationships, just like individual humans, grow through key developmental stages. For example, many partnerships begin with a period of intense bonding where the focus is on what feels good and how partners are similar, but later pass through a stage of differentiation where partners must contend with differences and conflict and find a way to stay connected despite this. The Developmental Model emphasizes differentiation — staying connected to other and self during moments of conflict about difference — as a key relational skill necessary for healthy, long-term connection.

Non-violent communication distinguishes between events, appraisals/meaning making, thoughts, feelings, needs, and strategies/requests. When using non-violent communication, we clearly own what is ours (our appraisals, thoughts, feelings, and needs) and respect our partner’s self-determination by collaboratively exploring strategies to meet underlying needs.

Attachment theory is based upon the idea that we are social animals that develop in connection with important others. Our early experiences with primary caregivers, as well as experiences throughout life with people who are important to us, impact how we make sense of ourselves and our relational worlds. We develop implicit templates over time — mental maps that influence what we expect can happen in connection with others based on what we have come to believe about ourselves, other people, the world, and relationships — that influence how we, in turn, behave, including how we seek out soothing, intimacy, and connection.

The Power, Threat, Meaning Framework is an alternative to psychiatric diagnosis that looks at how power has functioned in your life, what threats you have faced, what meaning you’ve made of those threats, and the strategies you’ve developed to survive. The PTMF can help us make sense of the adaptive nature of behaviors that might seem harmful on the surface so we can understand how they have protected you and served you over time.