Relationship therapy sessions are designed to help groups of people who are in long term relationships with each other (partners, family, close friends) process conflict, communicate constructively, and connect effectively.
Relationship therapy can help process specific content, develop constructive interpersonal processes, and cultivate and strengthen a secure connection. While content-oriented relationship therapy is typically what most people come in seeking, it is often the case that process- and connection-oriented therapy will be more useful. Therapy usually touches on all three components, but I identify more as a process- and connection-oriented relationship therapist than a content mediator. It is often true that people attending relationship therapy benefit from also being in individual therapy.
You can read below a bit more about different ways of orienting relationship therapy and the models I draw most from.
content-oriented therapy
Sometimes it is helpful to have a third-party mediator to help negotiate agreements and boundaries or process relationship changes. This kind of relationship therapy is most helpful when you have an established secure connection and healthy interpersonal processes, but find yourself getting stuck on something specific and could benefit from a little more support. People who are de-escalating their relationship (conscious uncoupling, or moving from a primary partnership to something less central) or who are no longer interested in maintaining a close, secure relationship but who must work together (such as co-parents or business partners) may also benefit from content-focused relationship therapy.
We are most likely to draw from non-violent communication, Imago dialogue, negotiation and problem solving strategies, and boundary work (including differentiation) when focusing on specific content. Content-oriented relationship therapy is short term and time limited and typically ends once there is closure to the content that brought you in, usually ranging from 6-12 sessions.
process-oriented therapy
The nature of relationships is that there will always be new content to process. Differences of preference, conflict, friction, and challenges will always arise and are a normal, expected part of sharing life with others. Developing strong, constructive interpersonal processes equips you with the tools to navigate current and future content effectively. In process-oriented therapy, we look at how you are communicating, negotiating, and resolving issues. We might look at specific aspects of communication like discerning and communicating meaning, listening and understanding, empathizing, validating, cultivating and expressing curiosity, and differentiating, as well as grounding in appreciation and respect.
We are most likely to draw from Imago dialogue, non-violent communication, and the initiator/inquirer process from The Developmental Model when doing process work. Process work is also typically time-limited, usually ranging from 6-16 sessions. Therapy creates a dedicated container to learn and practice new processes, which are then tried on outside of session, until they take hold and can be used independently.
connection-oriented therapy
Some relationships in life are ones that we go to meet specific relational needs for intimacy, closeness, connection, and safety. Our “attachment-based” relationships (to use the words of Jessica Fern), are those that we turn to as safe-havens and secure-bases that ground us in our other endeavors. These may be friendships, family relationships, or romantic/sexual partnerships, and are typically long-term, intentional, and may involve various kinds of commitment. Connection-oriented therapy helps people in these kinds of relationships cultivate, strengthen, and deepen a secure connection, with the goal of increasing engagement, responsiveness, and a felt sense of safety, care, love, and togetherness. In connection-oriented work, we look at the core relational longings and fears that underlie the day-to-day friction and tension, work on shifting focus from surface level content to this underlying experience, and cultivate availability, responsiveness, and engagement at this deeper level.
We are most likely to draw from Emotionally Focused Therapy, parts work, and attachment theory when doing connection-oriented work. Connection-oriented work is often slow and can take longer than process- or content-oriented, skills based work. The length of therapy is highly variable relationship to relationship, with some experiencing sufficient benefit as early as 12-20 sessions and others staying in therapy for a year or longer.
modalities and models
Emotionally Focused Therapy is an attachment- and emotion- oriented approach that involves understanding the negative cycle of conflict playing out recurrently in your relationship. We all have specific things that evoke core relational fears and longings, and when we are emotionally-activated by these fears and longings, we engage with others in a habitual way. It is common for people in relationship to be stuck in a cycle of interaction where strategies for handling emotional arousal poke at specific fears and longings in the other, prompting further escalation. EFT slows down this process of interactional reactivity by turning a magnifying glass onto what is happening within (internal processes) and between (interpersonal processes); identifying the core relational needs, primary emotions, and the emotional and behavioral habits for handling these; and creating opportunities to explore new ways of connecting that are more effective at addressing what’s at the root. In EFT, the therapist works directly with each partner in session. Partners communicate with the therapist, and at times with each other in a supported, choreographed way.
Imago Dialogue provides a structure and format for emotionally salient conversations in which the roles of sender and receiver are clearly delineated and a specific flow of process is recruited to help people communicate effectively. In Imago Dialogue, the sender has the floor until they are confident they have successfully communicated their whole message. The receiver mirrors back what is said until they have heard everything, then summarizes, validates, and empathizes to close the loop before a role switch is considered. This is similar to the initiator/inquirer process from the Developmental Model. In both, differentiation is cultivated via attention, mirroring, curiosity, empathy, and validation, and messages are sent with discernment for what is centrally important to understand and packaged in a way that helps the receiving party get the message. In Imago, partners communicate primarily with each other in a structured and supported way with coaching from the therapist.
Non-violent communication distinguishes between events, appraisals/meaning making, thoughts, feelings, needs, and strategies/requests. When using non-violent communication, we clearly own what is ours (our appraisals, thoughts, feelings, and needs) and respect our partner’s self-determination by collaboratively exploring strategies to meet underlying needs.
Parts work premises that every person has a complex internal experience worth exploring. We may feel, want, or believe multiple things at once. “A part of us” may see things one way, while “another part” has a different perspective, and both are true at once within ourselves. Drawing from parts work in relationship therapy can involve internal work (like when we soothe parts that are reactive and defensive so that we can hear what our partner is saying) and interpersonal work (helping our partner see our parts so that they can better understand the full complexity of our experience).
who i see
I am happy to see all relationship groups where everyone is aged 18+. In the case of family therapy, this can include parents and their adult children. Everyone who attends must reside in the state of Michigan.
I am especially dedicated to creating affirming space to work with partnerships, polycules, and families with members who are part of the LGBTQIA+ community, who practice ethical non-monogamy, or who are otherwise relating outside of traditional relationship norms.
Please note that relationship therapy requires consistent attendance by all core parties. In the cases of family therapy or non-monogamous partnership, initial consultation and assessment will include discernment of what grouping of people would benefit from attending therapy together.
Fees
- $155 for 55 minutes
- $230 for 85 minutes
- $310 for 115 minutes
Insurance is not accepted for relationship therapy at this time.
*relationship therapy clients will receive a Good Faith Estimate
modalities & frameworks
- Emotionally Focused Therapy
- Imago Dialogue
- The Developmental Model of couples therapy
- Internal Family Systems therapy (or “parts work”)
- Non-violent communication
- Attachment theory
- Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (skills training)
- The dual model of arousal
- Polyvagal Theory (working with the nervous system)
training & study
I have post graduate training in LGBTQ+ focused Emotionally Focused Therapy with couples, including an Externship (completed) and Core Skills (currently in progress). Together these comprise over 80 hours of continuing education.
My graduate training included intensive independent study of Imago Dialogue and Emotionally Focused Therapy.
In 2018 I co-founded a local organization that provides queer-focused relationship skills education online and in-person, and I have co-facilitated seven 16-20 hour intensive group workshops in the years since.
I have presented on competent practice with polyamory/ENM to therapist interns and colleague groups.
I routinely pursue opportunities for continuing education in couples work including reading books, listening to podcasts, and attending workshops and lectures.
location
Online sessions via telehealth
In person appointments may become available in Ann Arbor, MI, in the future.
Katy Clark, LMSW 