Katy Clark, LMSW

Sometimes it is helpful to have a third-party mediator to help negotiate agreements and boundaries or process relationship changes. This kind of relationship therapy is most helpful when you have an established secure connection and healthy interpersonal processes, but find yourself getting stuck on something specific and could benefit from a little more support. People who are de-escalating their relationship (conscious uncoupling, or moving from a primary partnership to something less central) or who are no longer interested in maintaining a close, secure relationship but who must work together (such as co-parents or business partners) may also benefit from content-focused relationship therapy.

We are most likely to draw from non-violent communication, Imago Dialogue, negotiation and problem solving strategies, and boundary work (including differentiation) when focusing on specific content. Content-oriented relationship therapy is short term and time limited and typically ends once there is closure to the content that brought you in, usually ranging from 6-12 sessions.

The nature of relationships is that there will always be new content to process. Differences of preference, conflict, friction, and challenges will always arise and are a normal, expected part of sharing life with others. Developing strong, constructive interpersonal processes equips you with the tools to navigate current and future content effectively. In process-oriented therapy, we look at how you are communicating, negotiating, and resolving issues. We might look at specific aspects of communication like discerning and communicating meaning, listening and understanding, empathizing, validating, cultivating and expressing curiosity, and differentiating, as well as grounding in appreciation and respect.

We are most likely to draw from Imago dialogue, non-violent communication, and the initiator/inquirer process from The Developmental Model when doing process work. Process work is also typically time-limited, usually ranging from 6-16 sessions. Therapy creates a dedicated container to learn and practice new processes, which are then tried on outside of session, until they take hold and can be used independently.

Some relationships in life are ones that we go to meet specific relational needs for intimacy, closeness, connection, and safety. Our “attachment-based” relationships (to use the words of Jessica Fern), are those that we turn to as safe-havens and secure-bases that ground us in our other endeavors. These may be friendships, family relationships, or romantic/sexual partnerships, and are typically long-term, intentional, and may involve various kinds of commitment. Connection-oriented therapy helps people in these kinds of relationships cultivate, strengthen, and deepen a secure connection, with the goal of increasing engagement, responsiveness, and a felt sense of safety, care, love, and togetherness. In connection-oriented work, we look at the core relational longings and fears that underlie the day-to-day friction and tension, work on shifting focus from surface level content to this underlying experience, and cultivate availability, responsiveness, and engagement at this deeper level.

We are most likely to draw from Emotionally Focused Therapy, parts work, and attachment theory when doing connection-oriented work. Connection-oriented work is often slow and can take longer than process- or content-oriented, skills based work. The length of therapy is highly variable relationship to relationship, with some experiencing sufficient benefit as early as 12-20 sessions and others staying in therapy for a year or longer.